Why Arranged Marriage, Might Not Be a Bad Idea

There are two types of love in this world, Nouns and Verbs. In western culture, we define love as a noun(i.e-person, place or thing).

“She makes me feel complete.” “He just does it for me! ” We make love to be this cloud 9 feeling of “fate” that love sort of chose you. “It was meant to be.”

People who “feel the love” often experience this in the beginning of the relationship, but what happens when they “fall out of love”, the noun. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be, right?

And for those of us who “make the relationship work,” love eventually turns into a verb(an action). Hence, “Make it work.”

The problem is that western culture has defined Love to be this extravagant enchanting nirvana state of being, to the point where it often sounds unattainable.

Well, they got that right! If that’s how most of us define love, it’s no wonder why there are more singles over the age of 35 years old, than in the past 100 years! People now-a-days get caught up in the quest to find this false illusion of the “perfect person” to be soul mates with, up until it’s too late. People are finally realizing that this unattainable person doesn’t exist when they’re too old to have kids or get married.

People like to confuse real love for romantic love. They get into a relationship and recollect to themselves:

“I have fun with him, I really like how charismatic she is, but I wish he would work out more, I wish she would be into sports like how I am…. Is this truly the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with?”

They think that “being in love” is a noun, that it should be magical and enchanting…so they doubt themselves, then the relationship, to finally break up.  Continuing the horrid search on finding this “True Love,” the noun.

With arranged marriages in the past, men and woman were married to simply procreate, start a family and have future together. So upon finding a “mate,” their main concerns were: Is she a great house-wife?  Will he bring home the bacon? And will he be a good father?

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Now, I’m not saying that woman should be stay-at-home moms….

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I’m saying that this “old way of thinking,” worked because they had a system that worked, a system that made husbands and wives compliment each other.

When people get into romantic love, they’re so busy with trivia questions that often contradict them selves, “I want someone whose Intelligent, but not boring. I want a man whose edgy, but also in touch with his emotional side.”

People get so caught up with similar and shared interest, that they’re blinded by what makes true relationships work:

• Values and beliefs
• Life Style
• Finance

You want to find someone who compliments your life style, not go against it. Often, I hear very successful and driven woman wanting to date “alpha men.”

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Men, who are like these women, have people trying to please them all day long at work. So when the both of them come home and spend time with each other, there’s this power struggle of two very ambitious people trying to get their own way.

With arranged marriages, they treat it like a business. They tackle those following three questions:

• What are their values and beliefs?
• What type of life style are they looking for? And does my son/daughter see themselves living in that life style?
• Are they financially stable?

Okay. I know what you’re thinking…

Looking at marriage in terms of a business contract is so unromantic!  But think about it, these are all very important topics that need to be addressed should you spend the rest of your life with someone.

These important questions aren’t normally addressed till it’s too late… two years into the relationship too late.

Just because two people romantically connect with one another, doesn’t mean they will live happily ever after. I know many woman who find the perfect man: Edgy, Handsome, Fun with Intelligent Bantering…but often find themselves ending the relationship.

Because these men were also Edgy and Unreliable,  Handsome and Self Absorbed, Fun and Immature.

Do you see it? Shared interests is great in all, but they don’t tackle the main questions of “Is this the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with?”

Alright, I’ve made the last two posts about Love, Marriage and Relationships… I think my next post will be about something else.

So what are your insights? Anything to add?

Tagged as: arrange marriage, Dating

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• Indifference Makes All the Difference
• When Should You Call Someone Back?
• Warning: Being Happy can Actually Hurt You
• WOMEN: will YOU end up ALONE-?

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