Do you like her? Who Does! I used to think anything was better than being a “Debbie Downer.” In my teenage years, I adopted the theory of bringing positive and uplifting energy all the time, every time.
I brought so much positive and happy energy, that people thought I was being fake.
“Why is Parker so damn happy all the time, no one can be that happy. ” “He must have some ulterior motive”–and they were right.
My ulterior motive was to never be a Debbie Downer. However, on my quest to being liked by everyone–I took on a character similar to what you would find on the popular uplifting kid’s show, Barney and friends–a show that has had much Criticism.
One specific criticism of the popular kids show was:
Barney and friend’s shows do not assist children in learning to deal with negative feelings and emotions. As one commentator puts it, the real danger from Barney is denial: the refusal to recognize the existence of unpleasant realities. For along with his steady diet of giggles and unconditional love, Barney offers our children a one-dimensional world where everyone must be happy and everything must be resolved right away.
So my intentions backfired on me, my efforts to try and be liked by everyone just came off as insecure, fake, and “weird”– because normal people are suppose to complain sometimes, right?
Today I want to talk about The Interactions we all have, as a whole. Specifically, the tonality and vibe of a more “ideal” interaction.
The Break Down of Our Time with Others
I believe that no one wants to wake up each morning reaffirming themselves, “You know what? I’m going to be a total Dick and a Debbie Downer with everyone I meet today.
So when you spend time with others: You should be positive and uplifting. You should also be real, cause you don’t want to come across as fake. You should vent, because that’s what real people do…..
But how much is too much of each? What is the “right balance” of being real, letting off steam, or how much positive energy to give off without coming across as being “weird,”and fake?
It’s like a Roller Coaster.. . .
-An interaction is like a Roller Coaster. There should be ups and downs. High points and low points, during the high points you should laugh and have fun. While during your low points you should relax, and chill.
The most exhilarating interactions are the ones that have a nice mix of Highs and Lows, and I’m going to teach you how to do that by introducing to you my Four Different States of Vibe.
I used to have One-Dimensional-Personality-Syndrome. Back in the day, if you could describe me in three words it would be: Smiling, Smiling, and Smiling.
In case you didn’t catch it, I smiled too much. Smiling was my personality. It was who I am, who I was. I used to smile to the point of being goofy, and people never took me seriously. This back fired because deep down inside, people want to feel respected–I wanted to feel respected. Smiling all the time is a one-way ticket to being someone who is never taken seriously, or even worse, the butt of everyone’s joke. Why? Because it shows that since you’re always cheery and peppy, you could take a joke–and it shouldn’t hurt your feelings, cause you’re always happy.
Solution Equals My Four States of Vibe
I teach Four States of vibe:
Because explaining these four different vibes would naturally take me 4 hours to break down in person, and probably 20+ hours to write out. I’m only going to give a brief summary of each.
There are two types of leading: Physically, and Conversationally. In both ways, you never want to force the nature of leading. Be affirmative but don’t be pushy. Make suggestions, and if someone doesn’t like your suggestion, they will let you know. And if they don’t, 8 out of 10, they would rather prefer to follow than lead. Which scores points for you. It’s a win/win.
Platonic just means that you are having casual conversation, this is when you talk about deep issues like: Dreams and aspirations, Opinions on politics, Religion, Your Story. I suggest you Go On A Date with Yourself.
Being Charismatic means to know how to relate with others. Knowing when to Compliment, and Smile with others. And understanding that Statements, are Much More Powerful than Questions.
Having a Sexual Vibe is (obviously) an option for your interactions, you can still have a great time with someone using the others vibes mentioned above. However, Dating is also one of my specialties so it’s only natural I talk about being Sexual.
Being sexual to me is everything that is sexual, and the “fore-play” that leads up to being sexual. This includes flirting, jealously, asking questions (i.e. 9 Ways to Say I like You.)
Describing “how to be sexual” however, is tricky because a majority of conveying sexuality is done through non-verbal communication, and is something that I can only teach to my clients in person.
I will however, still give you some examples of different ways to be flirty and sexual, and break them down in another post: Sexual innuendos. Sexual Story Telling. Touching the right way versus the wrong way.
These are my Infamous Four States of Vibes, that if conveyed within your interactions, it will leave all parties with an exhilierating experience–I promise.
Any thoughts about this guys? Love to hear your comments, ideas or questions!
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