I was having dinner the other night with Sally Watermelon and Willy Foo-Foo(names have been changed to protect the “innocent”) whom are both men. Mr. Willy Foo Foo(I’m calling him Willy from here on out) is charming, but rather chauvinistic.
Earlier that morning Willy gave a speech to a group of female business executives. Before the speech he feared the feminists in the group would eat him alive. As he told me the story, he acted out the scene: his eyes lit up, soon after, his voice took on a dramatic tone, and with great animation he opened the execs with a “man-bashing” joke to win the them over.
Later, at the same lunch, Willy told me another story that was “much more” impressive. He told me how from humble stockroom-boy beginnings, he quickly rose to become president of his company. During this tale, Willy’s face was bland, unmoved.
Which accomplishment do you think Willy would most like to be praised for? Most people would choose to congratulate Willy on his “rags to riches story”, but we’re not gonna do that. You and I are different, we’re going to be the ones who stand out by recognizing Willy for “that-one-time” he was thrown into the lion’s den with a group of hungry-man-eating feminists, and overcame them with charm and wit!
Yes, even though in real world terms the story from rags-to-riches would seem much more impressive, but in Willy’s eyes it wasn’t. Why? Why isn’t really the point, but in case you’re curious, it could be a number of things of why his rags to riches story didn’t move him, like I’m sure he has told that story many, many times.
What’s important is that you learn how to recognize moments to which people are most impressed with themselves. Learn how to do that, and you learn how to get people to r-e-a-l-l-y like you!
How to Get People to R-e-a-l-l-y Like You
Step 1. While your new friend is talking, watch his or her face.
Step 2. Be on the lookout for cheeks blushing, eyes brightening, smiles flickering. These expressions are gifts to you–gifts of revelation of what turns them on!
When their face becomes lively, it means they’re enjoying what they are telling you, immediately show interest in that topic and compliment them if you can. If their face becomes bland while they discuss a particular subject, don’t bother dishing out a compliment.
How to Get People to R-e-a-l-l-y Like you—-On a Date
Before delivering your first compliment, think about how your date view themselves:
- What does she like most about her appearance?
- What would he most like you to recognize him for?
- Is she infatuated with the idea that she can outwit and outsmart most men?
- Is he/she a spiritual person?
- Is he like Parker where he prides himself in being charismatic and charming?
- Maybe she’s proud of her hilarious sense of humor, her deep sense of honesty, or creativity.
Really think about what your date is most happy about in themselves and praise them on that. You can do this by asking questions, and from their response, check for the signs I’ve mentioned above.
Let’s Milk The Moment
When giving compliments, try to be in the moment. A praise for a recent small triumph often packs a bigger punch than applauding a greater, more distant, victory. Complimenting someone’s new outfit is best on the day he or she bought it. In this case, Willy liked being praised on his man-bashing joke victory because it happened that morning. Whereas his rise from peon to king had taken place years ago.
Basing compliments off a person’s facial expressions is an acquired skill. You won’t immediately get it the first time around, but if you work at it and finally nail it, you’ll stand out from the rest of the crowd–that’s a promise!
Questions? So what are you experiences with giving compliments? Add your thoughts and I’ll see ya down below!
–Parker
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Love this article, Parker. You make everything sound so accessible and useful — very handy for me! Thanks …
Thank-You Farah, I appreciate it!
I don’t know if you still keep your eyes on this site or not but I really do need your help. Currently I applied a position in a hotel. They called me for interview but for my surprise they offered me a GRO (guest relation officer) position. The point of this position is that I need to mingle with long staying and VIP guest. The matter is I am not that active to talk with new people. I love chatting, talking about this and that, but to someone I just meet for less than 1 minute? That would be a little problem for me. Can you please give me advice how to handle this feeling? I need you to know that sometimes the VIP guests come in group with 40 to 50 people.
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