Today I want to introduce:

Andy

Andy’s one of my students turned instructor who eventually traveled the world teaching with me. He’s a little farm-boy who found his place in the big city, and today he’s going to share with you his thoughts on Men and Woman:

Why, at certain times, is it so hard for us guys to be ourselves around women? Why is it that we avoid talking to women we’re interested in purely because there’s the chance that the interaction MIGHT not go the way we want it to?

Andy, why, when talking to girls, do we tell them what we think they want to hear so as to not cause any waves or make them look down on us?

The answer to all of those questions is quite simple actually.

BECAUSE WE CARE WAY TOO MUCH!!

We are so invested in the undetermined outcome of the opportunity at hand that we don’t even try—and if we do try, we play it safe by doing anything and everything that we think will make her like us more without ever escalating. This, my friend, gets us NOWHERE.

I understand that not giving a fuck may be easier said than done for some people — at least when it comes to women. Nevertheless, I think everyone in the world has the capacity for apathy, when it comes to AT LEAST one area of our existence.

Unless you’re some super sensitive bleeding-heart, I think it’s pretty much impossible to truly invest your soul into every single mechanism of life. Example: the lottery.

Just about everybody would like to win the lottery, no? That kind of return on investment would be one of the most badass things ever, in my opinion. Now, I don’t play the lottery, which is why I will never win the lottery, but let’s pretend for a second I did, and maybe some of you out there that do play can attest.

Okay, so every Friday I go down to the 7-Eleven and purchase my weekly Lotto ticket.

I think about how much that week’s jackpot is and of course the bigger it is, the more excited I get.

I imagine what it would be like to win all that money and fantasize about all the things I could do with it.

It’s one of those things that would be so unbelievably awesome and would completely change my life forever. HOWEVER, I pick my numbers, buy my ticket, then carry on with my day, and if I turn on the news the following evening to check my numbers, Am I really going to care if I don’t win? Probably not.

As killer as it would be to cash in, losing the lottery isn’t going to put a damper on my day/week/month in the slightest. I am indifferent to losing because my investment is so minimal.

I’m sure there has to be something similar to this in your life, and, coincidentally, this is the exact same mindset one needs to have when engaging women.

To walk up to a woman and say something takes very little effort. It’s not at all a huge investment, so it would be silly of me to get too bent out of shape if/when it doesn’t pay off — at least it’s better than not playin’ the game at all. So I’m not really going to sweat it too much.

But, besides personal peace of mind, what are the real benefits to indifference?

Good question. Simply put, it gives you the freedom to play by your own rules. It’s one aspect of being Socially Selfish. When you’re out, your only job is to lookout for no.1 and ensure your own personal enjoyment.

That’s not to say, you don’t try to make the most out of the person you’re talking to’s night as well, but always ask yourself, “Is this pleasing me?” and if it’s not, do one/both of the following:

Call it out.

Move on.

It’s your investment. If you find yourself aboard a sinking ship, it’s your responsibility to either repair the leak or jump overboard. And it’s all based on whether or not you feel it’s worth your time and effort.

It’s your call.

Do what YOU want to do, and talk about what YOU want to talk about, and bring people into YOUR world.

Just the other night I was taking part in a social gathering.

Within four minutes of chatting with one particular woman, we were talking about the first time a girl ever stuck her finger up my ass during sex.

It was a funny, interesting story and it quickly allowed me to transition the conversation to where I wanted to take it.

If I wanted to have talked about penguins with the girl, I would have asked her if she had seen Happy Feet and go from there.

If she can’t get on board, I’m going to call her out on it and if I have to I’m completely prepared to go find someone else who CAN join in.

In my experience, most women are very open and comfortable talking about almost anything—as long as YOU are comfortable bringing it up.

Women want a man who knows who he is and knows what he will and will not stand for.

Confidence is the sexiest thing you can convey to a woman. Stop worrying what people are thinking and start making yourself happy. It’s your world, everyone else is just livin’ in it. It’s that indifference that makes all the difference.

-

Indeed.

Tagged as: Being Indifferent, Dating, Difference of men and woman, love, Pua, Tie guy

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

ayo November 18, 2010 at 5:56 pm

hello parker
how are you?
you’ve dished out true statements in your post and i agree that women warm up to men who are confident enough to engage in a sensible discussion (even if shy) exhude so much charm and most of all feel relaxed while talking to them. I also think in certain instances, pre-empting how the conversation turns out before taking the first step, could make the whole meeting go pear shaped (but i could be wrong)
take care and enjoy the rest of the day

Parker November 18, 2010 at 6:51 pm: Hey Ayo!
I’m doing well bro

What do you mean when you say could make the conversation go “pear shaped”?

Pre-planning a conversation, it depends. For example, do you know what to say when someone asks what you do for a living? Maybe you do, but are you saying it in a way where it’s intriguing and interesting… most people don’t know how to answer questions like that in an interesting manner. so it’s important to sort of have “your story” ready on before hand.

Now, this is not to say that a conversation can be planned word for word, for example.. it’s hard to predict a conversation will play out as:

“first we’re gonna talk about my job, then about where i’m from, then I’m gonna ask her if she likes to fish etc ”

The reason, is because of outside influences, what happens if a friend comes in and interrupts the flow of the interaction?

Conversation should be in the moment, not preplanned… but it doesn’t discount the fact that you should articulate yourself in a manner where people enjoy hearing how you are unique and special among everyone else

Farouk November 20, 2010 at 8:54 am