Today’s Post Overview: Will be pretty straight forward– I want to start this off by tackling the topic on How To Give Compliments.

1. Compliment Someone On How They Affect You in a Positive Way

Examples:

• I’ve never seen eyes that blue before.
• That piece you played on the piano made me feel so calm and serene.
• Your smile just made my day!

The other person can then feel warm and encouraged (the purpose of a compliment) because of the effect that they have on you (enjoyment, pleasure, etc.). They don’t have to worry about whether they thought they were good enough. And, there is no way they can deny your compliment without sounding silly (e.g. – “No it didn’t!”).

Be specific. Sometimes the most memorable compliments are the most specific ones, because it shows that you were paying attention, and noticed beauty in some particular form. The specifics can follow a general compliment (like the ones in the previous step) as an explanation, or be given alone.

• I loved the way you softly played those major chords.
• Your smile is big and bright, it reminds me of (insert attractive movie star of choice here).

Know when to give up. If, in response to your compliment, they say something like “Well you must have simple tastes because I played very badly”, then we can assume their ego is far too developed to warrant any further compliments! The appropriate response to this is a very subtle nodding of your head and a polite smile. Either the person simply refuses to accept any kind of praise, is fishing for more praise, or wants to argue. However, if you feel attacked by the person’s response, then you may need to react appropriately.

2nd Portion: How to Take Compliments

Here’s a list of some of the ways we sabotage compliments, followed by some pointers to help get you in the right mind-set to embrace the compliments you’re paid.Stop doing this:

• Putting yourself down: One reaction to compliments is to say “I don’t deserve it” and list reasons why. Stop doing that.
• Assuming the other person doesn’t really mean it: You may be right, sometimes, but it doesn’t matter. Responding as if they did disarms whatever ulterior motive they might have. On the other hand, acting as if they didn’t mean it when they did is insulting and makes you come off as either a jerk or a basket case. Stop doing it.
• Pointing out your weaknesses: A compliment isn’t about your weaknesses, it’s about your strengths. There’s plenty of time to focus on improving faults later; for now, bask in the recognition of what doesn’t need fixing.
• Deflecting compliments to others: We often respond to the embarrassment of being singled out for praise by deflecting it to others. Others may be deserving, but so are you.
• Claiming it was all “luck”: Another way of deflecting embarrassing attention from yourself, with the added bonus of freeing you from responsibility for not only your successes but your failures.
• Making them work for it: Cut the long stream of “no, it was nothings” and “I just did what I had to dos” and let people give you the compliment. Putting it off until they’ve given it three or four times, each time more insistently, is selfish.

And start doing this instead:

• Own your accomplishments: It wasn’t luck or the goodwill of others or any other reason that you managed to do something praiseworthy, it was your own effort and commitement. Even if you truly were just in the right place at the right time, you deserve credit for recognizing an opportunity and acting on it. If you wouldn’t dream of not taking responsibility for your failures, then step up and take responsibility for your achievements.
• Be appreciative: As I said, a compliment is a gift. You wouldn’t put down or reject a gift from a friend; treat compliments the same way.
• Be honest and optimistic about the future. Not pointing out your weaknesses doesn’t mean you can’t be honest about what lays ahead. But a simple “We still have to do x, y, and z but it’s good to see we’re on the right track” will suffice. Don’t make someone waste their effort paying a compliment by telling them how the thing they’re praising is probably doomed to fail in the long run.
• Recognize your contribution. You may not be the only one who deserves to be complimented on a job well-done, and it’s fine to say so, but remember that you’re a part of your group’s success, too. Don’t say “Well, Hassan and LaShawna deserve all the credit”; instead say “Thanks, I’m sure Hassan and LaShawna will appreciate hearing that, too.”
• Follow up. If applicable, offer to involve the person giving you a compliment in your success. “Thanks, Maria. I wonder if you’d like to help us out by offering some feedback on…”
• Be gracious. Giving a compliment isn’t always easy. When someone does offer you one, accept it easily and gracefully. Pay one back, if merited. Let people know that you appreciate themfor appreciating you.

You don’t have to be a cocky, arrogant, son-of-a-you-know-what to take a compliment well (but it helps — kidding!) just a reasonably well-balanced, self-assured person. The good news is that mastering the art of receiving compliments helps make you into a more well-balanced, self-assured person — which, in turn, will earn you more compliments. Let the warm fuzzies begin!

Special Bonus Tip: Something nice that someone says about you is a “compliment”; something that goes nicely with something else “complements” it. A compliment makes you feel good, as in “I feel good now.

Also!

I received a couple of emails asking to post some pics of my experience while working my Private Instruction in New York, here are a couple–enjoy!

Tagged as: compliments

• I’m, Too Sexy For My Shirt–Gawd-Daymn It Hurts!

• Bookmark
• Vote up
• Retweet
• Share

You'll love my newsletter. Get blog updates, plus:

• A chance to win a 1-hour 24/7 Attraction Person Coaching Session (monthly drawing)
• Special "newsletter-only" dispatches, events and discounts, and
• The secret to eternal life (hint: it involves dark chocolate)