The other day someone asked me a question that I just had to write an article about, “How do I become relatable? I feel that no one gets me.” Well, this article is going to attack that question, I’ll start this off with a very common problem when trying to be relatable towards others.
Asking too many Questions
This is a trap everyone has fallen into(I sure have), right? If you ask too many questions it can seem more like an interrogation than good company. If you feel like this has happened to you, it’s most likely because you’ve felt pressured, this pressure usually comes from high expectations of a “perfect” interaction. That’s your first mistake, because no interaction is perfect. But that’s another topic, for another day.
So do us both a favor and take a breather, calm down, and relax. Accept the fact that you may not say the best choice of words, you may even offend someone. But that’s not important, what’s important is that you recognize your mistakes and learn from them. Besides, successful people are born from a string of learnt mistakes–no one is born perfect, no one.
The next thing you need to learn is that Statements rule over Questions. Statements are much more powerful, because making a statement means to speak your mind without caring what others think. This is attractive.
Secondly, understand who you’re talking to, let’s assume like attracts like. Meaning, if you love video games it’s natural for you to gravitate towards people who love video games. This concept goes for politicians, health enthusiasts etc.
Now that we’re under the assumption that you are with like minded people, let’s introduce the Theory of Nostradamus.
Nostradamus was a 16th century seer. His followers believed that he predicted worldly events such as Napoleon, World War II, and even the 9/11 terrorist attacks. It’s apparent when I read some of his scripts I can sort of see where his followers are coming from, add a little bit of imagination and Wallah!–I can instantly see his scripts being relatable to modern day events. Maybe he can help me with tomorrow’s lottery numbers.
However, what I have also learned about Nostradamus was that he babbled non-stop and people wrote down everything he said. With countless manuscripts full of his lucid visions, its easy to find something that sounds like a modern-day event.
Nostradamus was the ultimate people connector, I figure. I want you to be Nostradamus. I want you to understand that if you reveal enough about yourself around like minded individuals, they will find something to connect with.
Most people force conversation upon others by trying to spark chemistry out of thin-air through a barrage of questions:
“So where are you from?”
“New York”
“Oh cool, what made you move down here?”
“My Job”
“What do you do?”
“Hey listen, my fiends are calling me it was nice to meet you.”
These are examples of The Infamous Question Train people use when attempting to connect with others. To my ear this sounds forced and fake. Why? Because there’s nothing unique and personal being revealed, it’s just forced door-knob talk. No one likes being interrogated, it’s better to allow the connection to find you.
Nostradamus was great at this. Instead of asking questions, he simply made statements about anything and everything that came to his mind at that very moment.
He yapped on so much that connections with real-life, future-events actually found him.
Think about all that you like and dislike. Assuming you’re around like minded people, pick out anyone in the room to whom you want to mingle and connect with. Now consider this. If you and this other took five minutes to jot down ten likes, dislikes and vulnerabilities I bet I could take both lists and find at least five relatable commonalities. Maybe you are both huge Star War fans. Maybe you both need an occasional rainy day. Maybe you share the same favorite novel.
Maybe they’re attracted to Angelina Jolie, just like you. These commonalities would be authentic, unforced and… cool.
So WWND? What exactly would Nostradamus do? Better yet, what will you do?
I have faith that if you express yourself often enough through Statements, in a personal manner, you will never have to try to connect with others, the connection will find you.
-Parker
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Parker,
This is a very helpful post. So often when people make mistakes especially in social interactions, they end up beating themselves excessively over it. I’ve been guilty of that in the past myself and have seen people who do so. But you’re right, when we get rid of our need to please, it becomes easier to get people to like you for who you really are.
I never thought of making statements as a way to relate to people. That’s not to say that I don’t do it, I just never consciously thought of it that way. But from my experiences, it is always easier to talk about something you know and share it with people. It’s not a perfect way to relate, but at least if done well, you can get people to talk about more interesting things than the weather.
Hi Vizier,
The process of “creating a new ability” happens by first doing it intuitively, our subconscious mind makes a note of it saying, “wow, that worked well.. let’s do it again sometime,” and we do it over and over until it becomes recognized by our conscious mind. Becoming “aware”.
Next thing we know, we know have a new “ability” or technique” to help us with our everyday tasks…
And you’re also right, when it comes down to it, connecting with one another is all about “how well you know yourself, and how you can convey it to others”
do that, and people will be comfortable talking to you
thanks for your feedback!
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